I'm way bored. Bored enough to make a blog post.
Since Ryan Adams took down his blog, I've been more bored than usual. Somehow the stuff that he wrote on there was simultaneously stupider than any piece of music he'd ever done and the most validating aspect of his being.
We (Young Mothers) tried out all of our songs today as a trio, and it worked pretty well. I was using Mike from Breabrick's amp, so I couldn't get it to sound how my guitar usually sounds, and Andrew and I didn't use any effects (i.e. distortion, delay, so I think it'll sound a lot different (better) when we get those things into the mix. The only shitty thing is that I'm leaving the country the 12th of this month and won't be back until the 23rd, which is the day before our gig at Modified, so I have to rely on one of the most unreliable people I know to get ready for this show without me being around. Surprisingly, I'm not that worried at all, which makes me think that there's hope for me yet.
Akron Family's alright in my book. There's a whole slew of bands that I was introduced to by my ex that I hated after we broke up (Sufjan, Akron, Sondre Lerche, Rufus Wainwright) that I've started to either warm up to or just flat out love. It's kinda sad that it took me over a year to get to this point, but at least I got there.
Every day that I don't smoke, it gets harder not to smoke. I get bored and I think, "what do I usually do when I'm bored?" I stand outside of my apartment and smoke. It's really no wonder that I used to smoke a pack, sometimes more, a day.
I consider myself a reasonably personable individual, but in actuality I really only have 2-4 friends that I can call when I'm plan-less at any given time. This can be kind of a burden on said friendships, because I'm plan-less relatively often. This is not to say that I don't have more than 4 friends at anytime, but a lot of my friends from school and threw music are 21 and up and are usually at the bars. That's really the only reason I want a fake. That and being able to buy wine whenever I'd like.
Often times, when I'm not dating someone or I don't have a legitimate crush on anyone, I'll think of all the girls that I know that I could call if I just felt like being in the company of girls. The girls that I'm referring to are not my friends, but not my girlfriend, which makes them awkward to be around sometimes. Nonetheless, it's occasionally necessary to call these girls and spend sometime with them. I have 3 that I currently could call in such a situation, here's the breakdown:
1: Way too dirty and immature to even want to call, will run into randomly anyways
2: Too clingly, but generally nice
3: Purported to be annoying and bossy by others, though usually enjoyable in small doses, seems to want to spend time with me(? strange ?)
I had to call one of these today, I called 3. She seemed receptive. Sidenote: I haven't referred to these girls as numbers because that's all that they are to me, at least not most of them. They have names, and out of respect for them, I haven't used them (their names, that is). I do, however, call them girls, because I don't really think that they are truly women yet. Is it slightly perverse or (worse) pretentious for me to draw this distinction? Probably, particularly because, if I had to label myself as a man or a boy, I'd most likely still go with boy (I can't change my oil on my own yet, though I'm scheduled to learn this summer. I do try and do the right thing most times (i.e. tell moderately good friends of mine when their ex's kiss me when their drunk, usually don't cheap unless the test I'm taking is ridiculously difficult). I'm pretty sure that knowing how to change your oil is the bigger of the two qualifiers.)
My dad went on antidepressants, he's been so much more tolerable. I'm not one to over medicate and just throw pills at people (or at least endorse doctors who do), but he really needed them. I think that he needed to be tilted a little upwards, mood wise, before he could get the rest of his life in check, and Prozac has done said tilting. This comes at a serendipitous time in my familial life, as my dad, my sister, and I are set to leave for Spain a week from tomorrow. A week and a half of my father sans medication would...give me much to write (songs) about.
I was thinking about ending this entry there, but I'm not done with my 4 shots of espresso over ice yet. I'll quit when the drink's gone. Oh my god, I'll be freaking out, twitching, stomach yelling to high hell, uncontrollable diarrhea, etc. I'm pumped!
Last year, I went threw a phase where I grew my sideburns out long and puffed them out all the time, like Beethoven. God that was stupid. Maybe I was feeling like a child in an adults clothes and wanted to show how, physically at least, I was an adult. Silly adolescent.
When I was younger, I was afraid of being a little kid. It sicken me when I acted like a child, or at least not like an adult. I'm getting over that.
Ok, this is over, regardless of the few sips I have left.