Thursday, May 8, 2008

Christmas Lights In May

I love the Christmas lights in my room. I'm definitely taking them with me to the house.

Between Camera Obscura and Courtney Andrews, I'm really surprised that I don't cry more often.

I've done the most work in the last week that I've done this entire semester. As of this week, I finished writing:

-2 Quintets
-1 Quartet
-2 Solo Instrumental Pieces

I'm really jazzed for the Quar- and Quin- tets. There's really funny. One of the Quintets is titled "Fury" and even though it doesn't sound that angry, it makes my chest vibrate the right way, so I'm into it. The other one is called, "I-V: The Progress Suite", and that may be the best formal composition I've ever done, I'm way too in love with it. It's also the longest thing I've actually sat down and written out the music for (approx. 4'). I feel good.

Blah blah blah.

Razzel Dazzel Rose
So much work to do today, and if I didn't really want an A, I wouldn't be doing it.

Monday, May 5, 2008


I wish I wrote "Kissing The Lipless" by the Shins.

Boredom? No Longer.

I'm way bored. Bored enough to make a blog post.

Since Ryan Adams took down his blog, I've been more bored than usual. Somehow the stuff that he wrote on there was simultaneously stupider than any piece of music he'd ever done and the most validating aspect of his being.

We (Young Mothers) tried out all of our songs today as a trio, and it worked pretty well. I was using Mike from Breabrick's amp, so I couldn't get it to sound how my guitar usually sounds, and Andrew and I didn't use any effects (i.e. distortion, delay, so I think it'll sound a lot different (better) when we get those things into the mix. The only shitty thing is that I'm leaving the country the 12th of this month and won't be back until the 23rd, which is the day before our gig at Modified, so I have to rely on one of the most unreliable people I know to get ready for this show without me being around. Surprisingly, I'm not that worried at all, which makes me think that there's hope for me yet.

Akron Family's alright in my book. There's a whole slew of bands that I was introduced to by my ex that I hated after we broke up (Sufjan, Akron, Sondre Lerche, Rufus Wainwright) that I've started to either warm up to or just flat out love. It's kinda sad that it took me over a year to get to this point, but at least I got there.

Every day that I don't smoke, it gets harder not to smoke. I get bored and I think, "what do I usually do when I'm bored?" I stand outside of my apartment and smoke. It's really no wonder that I used to smoke a pack, sometimes more, a day.

I consider myself a reasonably personable individual, but in actuality I really only have 2-4 friends that I can call when I'm plan-less at any given time. This can be kind of a burden on said friendships, because I'm plan-less relatively often. This is not to say that I don't have more than 4 friends at anytime, but a lot of my friends from school and threw music are 21 and up and are usually at the bars. That's really the only reason I want a fake. That and being able to buy wine whenever I'd like.

Often times, when I'm not dating someone or I don't have a legitimate crush on anyone, I'll think of all the girls that I know that I could call if I just felt like being in the company of girls. The girls that I'm referring to are not my friends, but not my girlfriend, which makes them awkward to be around sometimes. Nonetheless, it's occasionally necessary to call these girls and spend sometime with them. I have 3 that I currently could call in such a situation, here's the breakdown:

1: Way too dirty and immature to even want to call, will run into randomly anyways
2: Too clingly, but generally nice
3: Purported to be annoying and bossy by others, though usually enjoyable in small doses, seems to want to spend time with me(? strange ?)

I had to call one of these today, I called 3. She seemed receptive. Sidenote: I haven't referred to these girls as numbers because that's all that they are to me, at least not most of them. They have names, and out of respect for them, I haven't used them (their names, that is). I do, however, call them girls, because I don't really think that they are truly women yet. Is it slightly perverse or (worse) pretentious for me to draw this distinction? Probably, particularly because, if I had to label myself as a man or a boy, I'd most likely still go with boy (I can't change my oil on my own yet, though I'm scheduled to learn this summer. I do try and do the right thing most times (i.e. tell moderately good friends of mine when their ex's kiss me when their drunk, usually don't cheap unless the test I'm taking is ridiculously difficult). I'm pretty sure that knowing how to change your oil is the bigger of the two qualifiers.)

My dad went on antidepressants, he's been so much more tolerable. I'm not one to over medicate and just throw pills at people (or at least endorse doctors who do), but he really needed them. I think that he needed to be tilted a little upwards, mood wise, before he could get the rest of his life in check, and Prozac has done said tilting. This comes at a serendipitous time in my familial life, as my dad, my sister, and I are set to leave for Spain a week from tomorrow. A week and a half of my father sans medication would...give me much to write (songs) about.

I was thinking about ending this entry there, but I'm not done with my 4 shots of espresso over ice yet. I'll quit when the drink's gone. Oh my god, I'll be freaking out, twitching, stomach yelling to high hell, uncontrollable diarrhea, etc. I'm pumped!

Last year, I went threw a phase where I grew my sideburns out long and puffed them out all the time, like Beethoven. God that was stupid. Maybe I was feeling like a child in an adults clothes and wanted to show how, physically at least, I was an adult. Silly adolescent.

When I was younger, I was afraid of being a little kid. It sicken me when I acted like a child, or at least not like an adult. I'm getting over that.

Ok, this is over, regardless of the few sips I have left.


Sunday, May 4, 2008

i don't wanna be your friend, i just wanna be your lover.

Young Mothers Album 1: The Demos

Yesterday, I finished making demos for the Young Mothers first full length album. It's 11 songs long, and I'm pretty proud of what it seems to be shaping up to be. 6 of those 11 songs have fun band demos, while the others are bare-bones acoustic versions. I tried to upload them into a Muxtape called BeethovensSideburns, but Muxtape really didn't like the files and refused to upload them. Therefor, I've put them on my mediafire page. Here's the skinny, since they are definitely out of order on the mediafire page:

1: Arts and Crafts
2: Your Purple Heart
3: Killing Time
4: Broken Mirrors
5: Go Back To Alaska, Juno (This one will be more airy and less distorted...)
6: The Flower Of My Secret (CMA)(This will have real drums and be more more shoe-gazey)
7: 08/11/07 (This will be full band, as is intended as a duet with a female)
8: Werewolves In Youth (Full band, light hearted rocker and denying responsibility)
9: Lessons Learned (This will be 80s'd out, like Camera Obscura's "Lets Get Out...")
10: Dane Loves This Song (Big, darker rock out track)
11: I Set Your House On Fire (starts quite, vamps up, fades out jamming on main riff)

Jason- Remember how I lost my voice last weekend? I still haven't gotten it back entirely, so a lot of these tracks feature my scratch-voice. Please don't make fun of me.

Here they are:

"Lessons Learned" refused to be lumped in with the other tracks, so here it is in a separate location:

Let me know what you think, duderbears. Oh, and if doesn't work, fuck it. I'm done.


Saturday, May 3, 2008

So, within the last 8-10 months, I've developed a serious (or at least serious to me) issue with anger. I hardly ever full on lash out a people, but the smallest things can trigger an incredible amount of anger. I've never been one for expressing sensations like anger, overt criticism, etc., but my family has always encouraged me to do so, claiming that i's much healthier than keeping it in, blah blah blah...

About 2 months ago, I realized that I had more of those feelings than the average person, and that letting them out could be potentially dangerous for those around me. I've been freaking out ever since. Not just worrying about that, but getting more and more angry. Than I read that book Fury by Rushdie, and even though it's not a great book, it put a name to my problem. For some reason I really dig calling it Fury, it feels right.

I talked to my sister about this issue probably 2 weeks ago. She said that she thought it would be a good idea for me to directly express some of that anger at its source, calmly and while utilizing logic and reasonable restraint, once a day. Thus far, I've had two experiences doing so:

1: Yesterday, there were 2 loud, angry preachers on Campus yelling and screaming about hell. My top 3 list of things that offend me are Racism, Fear Mongering, and Public Preaching. I was so mad when I saw these guys yelling about how everyone was going to hell...I decided to calmly go up to the one that was currently yelling and explain that he was offending me and ask him to stop. I knew this was a pointless effort, as those guys operate outside the boundaries of logic and sense, but for my own benefit, I did it. I said excuse me to get his attention, and he told me, "You're excused". I then taped him on the shoulder and said, "I don't think you understand, I want to talk to you," and he screamed in my face, "Don't touch me, pervert! I'm a married man, you freak!". So at least it became obvious to everyone watching that this guy was a closet homosexual...There was a ledge behind him and would make me about a foot and a half taller than him, so I jumped on it and I yelled, "I recreationaly use drugs! I frequently have premarital sex! On top of that, I go out of my way to be kind to every person that I encounter each day, and I don't think I'm going to hell for that." I didn't expect to anyone that was standing around or walking by to give a shit, and a group of people started to cheer. Then the guy yelled, "You're still going to hell because you're a sinner and a pervert! SINNER!". I then yelled, "Maybe I am, but at least I'll have some friends there. Nonetheless, this is a personal issue, and you shouldn't be yelling about it in public, sir." More cheers. Then I just walked away. It felt alright, not great. But decent.

2: My roommate is an idiot, and I won't say that he's the cause of my anger, because my anger problem isn't external issues but the way that I deal with them, but he's a big influence on the way that I feel on a regular basis. In a bad way. Every 2 weeks or so, he uses his mom's money to buy some stupid musical toy that he doesn't need in the least, and this half of the month, he chose a talk-box to go with his keyboard. He's been anxiously waiting for it to arrive in the mail, and I couldn't give a shit less. Maybe it was because I didn't care about it at all that he made me care about it this morning...8:30 on a Saturday morning, I wake up to the sound of poorly played keyboard threw a stupid effect pedal rarely used in good music. I was furious. I got to sleep at 3:30 am, and needless to say, I didn't appreciate this. I sat up in my bed and didn't move for 5 minutes, considering if I should yell at him or not. In the end, I got up, but on some pants, opened my door, and said, "Tim, I know you're excited about your talk-box, but it's very inconsiderate to be playing it at that volume this early on a weekend morning." Pretty calm and cool, right? He said, "Oh, I didn't realize it was that loud. Hey, the fed-ex guy came at 7:30 this morning, how weird is that!?". I just closed my door and accepted the fact that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. He just went right on playing at the same volume. I wanted to yell at him about that, but I wasn't getting back to sleep, and that would pass my quota of one display of overt anger a day...There's always tomorrow, because I'm sure he'll do something completely idiotic then too.

Oh, I wrote a theme song for a cartoon show, and there's a teaser that was thrown together in probably under 5 minutes on the web. Check it out.